Upon arriving in Gangnam, I had wanted to see a pizza place I had heard so much about and had seen pictures of.
7
It was modeled after a laundry mat and although that doesn’t sound tasty, it was a known photo op place. But to be honest, at this point, I hadn’t had anything to eat except a 약과 cookie and a matcha latte for breakfast.
It was about 5pm and we had spent hours walking around. This would be my first real meal of the day so naturally I was excited. I did feel really lethargic at this point but where we got off on the train, KStar Road was within walking distance, so I made the mistake of seeing that first before eating.
KStar Road is a 1 kilometer strip of sidewalk that starts just outside the Apgujeongrodeo Station Exit #2 in Gangnam. It’s decorated with cute mascot bears.
It was fun to be greeted by cartoon bears representing K-pop stars who have made an impact to Korea, though I do admit, it seemed a little outdated due to the fact that a few of those groups have disbanded. I was thrilled to see Psy was the first bear I had approached.
I don’t think there is a person alive who hasn’t heard “Gangnam style”….and it makes sense since I was in, ya know, Gangnam.
Reminded me kind of like the Beverly Hills of Korea. Fashion seemed to be important everywhere BUT really expressed here with people of all ages, not just children. Same for plastic surgery…..where people openly walked around with bandages on their face from new procedures.
Directly behind him was the subway exit.
Across the street, there was a small store that never seemed to be open no matter how many times I came to this spot on my trip, And that should have been the first sign that the night’s plans would go kind of off the normal path.
I continued down the walkway because I had always heard that there was a BTS bear and I had never seen pictures of it so I wanted to see how old it was, how it was designed if it existed. I continued to walk and I found a band I recognized. Curiosity kept me running on fumes, with no fuel in the tank. Recipe for disaster.
GG. They are ACTUALLY the first pop girl band from Korea that had ever heard of. I walked a few more blocks and I started to see familiar letters. The bear’s look wasn’t surprising in the least. Just their style for the time.
After approaching the bear…
and taking a few pictures of the front and back, SJH and I decided to try to search out the Laundry Pizza.
Upon searching, we had discovered that sadly, they were a casualty of the Corona Virus Pandemic. They were forced to close due to the circumstances of slowed business, slowed travel everywhere.
SJH asked what I would like to do instead since Plan A would not work and we would need a new plan. I did feel myself growing more tired and weaker from the lack of food so really, at this point, I suggested fried chicken since I KNEW that would be easy to find, not all too expensive, and there was not much to dislike about it.
SJH was not very good at being completely decisive about where he wanted to go so I pointed at a restaurant and said to try the current one in front of us since I really wasn’t that picky and was in need of some calories. We were seated by a very nice gentleman who gave us a menu. As soon as they dropped the menu on the table, and the waiter walks away, he explains that we need to leave. His voice was urgent and concerning so he grabbed me by the hand and he pulled me out of the restaurant.
As soon as we were outside, I pulled my hand away and asked him what was going on. I wanted to still be respectful of what I thought was an emergency but did not want to give him the wrong idea that I wanted him to hold my hand or touch me.
He looked flustered and had spit out that he felt that there were too many older people in the restaurant and didn’t want to be stared at.
Instead of getting mad, I figured I was missing something but at the same time also decided to press him a little more for clarification and he said “let’s not talk about it and look for food instead!’
All I heard was food again so my ears perked up, and I slowly began dragging myself down the road as he looked side to side, left to right for a new chicken place. We passed 4…..and walked in circles. He kept attempting to hold my hand again. I spotted a pattern. It seemed to me that he was stalling finding food so he could play hero, holding my hand, leading me to food. It wasn’t about food, it was about holding my hand. Which I wasn’t having any part of.
After TWO hours of walking, I stopped dead in my tracks and demanded an answer. It was almost 8pm at this point. Why did we REALLY leave the chicken place?
“SJH, what you told me about why we left doesn’t make sense. Was I in danger? What was the reason we left the chicken place?”
“It was too many older people”
…………
The same lie and as knew it. And called him out on it. Lying was unnecessary.
Finally, he caved in.
“I didn’t like the prices.”
At this point, I was MAD. I don’t require others to pay for my food. Anyone who knows me knows I’m kind of a generous soul and when I have the means, I have no problem covering a lunch. It makes me happy to help others. I was close to passing out, hungry, and had just spent 2 extra hours searching for food. To find a place, sit and immediately leave based on a lie that scared me into thinking I may have been in danger….., and search again for 2 hours. And be lied to. Just so he could hold my hand. And find out we left because he didn’t like the prices?
I immediately turned away from him, pulled out my phone to find my way back to the subway since I was definitely lost and just wanted to go home. I still wasn’t my best at finding my way around with the Maps since Google, our main map search doesn’t work there. Naver maps is used, which is of course a Korean company, along with Kakao maps. I would say one is better for the subway directions and one is better for walking directions.
As I walked away, I could feel him follow. I stopped him and asked him kindly to just go home and to let me find my own way. He put his arm around me and said he wanted to make sure I got home. Though I appreciated the offer of wanting to make sure I was safe, I also didn’t wanna play that game because if MY safety and not my VAGINA were a concern, I would have eaten hours prior instead of him just trying to go to my house. I didn’t want any part of it.
The attempt to get laid was a bust for him. I wasn’t into him like that at all. And always made it known when he would discuss wanting to be friends and liking me.
I was a grown adult and could find my own way. But he continued to follow me and wouldn’t stop touching me. When someone doesn’t wanna be touched and you keep touching them, they’re gonna explode and that’s exactly what happened in the form of a panic attack. As I kept walking away, he kept running in front of me to tell me to calm down and blocking my way to try to put him arm around me again. I finally burst into tears, which made him try harder to console me.
You can see where this is going correct?
I finally told him that if he continued to touch me or follow me, that I would attack him myself in an inappropriate place that would cause him to never have children of his own. I saw the directions on my phone, and at this point realized where I was at. Sounds around me were starting to fade and I felt I was beginning to float under water……which if anyone recognizes this, it’s the first symptom that you’re about to faint. It was apparent his panic about me crying turned into him trying to console me which made the entire situation worse. I was having a panic attack. I pulled myself away from him and made a mad dash for the train.
Yes. LITERALLY running ya’ll. At first, Upon looking back at SJH, I could see him confused and then stand up to follow. So I continued to run and I made it to the train station and ran down to the platform, hoping onto the train that’s doors were closing. I wiped the mascara from my face when I sat down on the train. It took off without him in sight. Luckily at this point, it was only 9pm so I still had the option of ordering food from the foreigner friendly app before they closed at 11.
This train trip took about 40 mins to get back to my place with the waits and transfers and ended up being perfect timing. My food was freshly delivered when I got back to my place. Still chicken like I had wanted, and two soju + banana milks for good measure. Because seriously, alcohol sounded helpful for stress relief.
No sooner do I get settled in does a knock on my door happen. My heart begins to pound and I start to sweat again like earlier.
I hear my name being said with a Korean accent….and it wasn’t my landlord for the month.
“Shya-nun” REPEATEDLY.
You guessed it. SJH.
Now, I don’t know If I remember telling you that my door had two door codes. One that opened the main room, and another door code you had to enter to even be able to enter the LOBBY in my room.
“How did you even get in here?!”
He had memorized the code to the lobby when he picked me up. But he didn’t get the other code because I didn’t let him close to my bedroom door. Like I said, I didn’t want to give him the wrong impression since I wasn’t into him further than platonic friendship. And at this point, I felt it was better to cut my losses.
30 mins later after I put on headphones to drown out his calls, texts, and knocks on the wall, I finally got him to leave by agreeing to meet him another day. And then informed the lobby of his appearance and they changed the code for me.
I finished up my dinner, washed the mascara off of my face, and felt emotionally exhausted. This not at all what I had expected about being in Korea. I didn’t have exaggerated ideas of what men there would be like. I had been just looking to make friends, not necessarily DATE ya know? I didn’t understand what I did to deserve such sleezy experiences. Not only did I feel disrespected, I questioned if everyone there was like this.
Day 7
I woke up and decided I didn’t want to continue to assume it was EVERYONE like that. But I definitely wanted to do something for myself for the day. I needed to cheer up. I decided I was going to stay in a study for the majority of the day, BUT that I would attempt to see if the Line Friends store was open. The business kept later shorter hours due to the pandemic.
IT WAS OPEN! Finally!!!!
It had multiple levels though the rumored cafe has never been open in the year I’ve gone back to Korea…..
Shooky, one of the BT21 Cartoons….I realize he’s supposed to be a cookie but he kinda looks like a turd. Still my favorite. Lol 😂
WEIGHT LIFTER KOOKY!!!MY 💜!
I have been there 3 times in the last year, trying to give myself a solid year to make a fair assessment of my time there. Those blogs will go faster to catch us up. The next few blog updates tomorrow will catch us up 1.) from the rest of the first trip, 2.) Explain the short 2nd trip (You haven’t been introduced to the other characters involved here yet) and 3.) give the telling of my last trip there.
It’s hard to be upset when you have cartoons to look at and Webtoons to read. Music to escape, dramas to laugh at since it’s definite unrealistic expectations and false advertisement BUT is good ENTERTAINMENT.
TaTa face… for TeTe. The reals ones understand this reference. It started with Twitter of course.
My job is to give up the summary of my overall considerations, thoughts, pros, cons, and lay out the cultural differences I enjoyed and didn’t like in that country. My fair assessment from my treatment there.
My entire life changed in an entire year. Some of it for the better, some of it was terrible, eye opening, and both deserve to be told, no matter how embarrassing it may be to lay my heart bare.
I made my Hoodie purchase and while leaving the store, I get a Instagram DM.
SJH. Shit. I blocked his kakao, but I forgot about IG, the way we actually met in the first place YEARS prior. He was asking for forgiveness.
I really didn’t need this today. And decided not to answer. I believe everyone deserves to have closure. But hadn’t I already given that to him when I told him I didn’t want talk prior? I had felt forced to agree to see him just to get him to leave in the first place. I deserved peace of mind too.
The world is SMALLER than we believe. Upon walking home, we ended up crossing paths anyways. And I’m too kind a lot of the time. I gave him the opportunity to explain himself. I explained that I didn’t want him touching me, etc. I explained my panic attack and it was the first time I REALLY understood the LACK of mental health discussion there in South Korea. As I explained my anxiety, the words out of his mouth shocked me.
“I thought only celebrities have that?”
“No” in Korean was my response. “and my situations with you make it worse.”
His words and actions didn’t seem to be matching. He would tell me he understood what I was saying, and then try to touch me, and even worse, he tried to kiss me and I finally had it. I finally pushed him with a little bit of force and knew once and for all how to find out if my words were just going in one ear and out the other.
“I don’t think you’re understanding me. So can you explain what IM saying to you in your own language if that’s easier but I want you to explain to me what I just said to you.”
All he could repeat back was “I understand” which let me know he didn’t. It was a memorized response. So I made sure to block him in front of me, and I finally realized the term I would need to be able to explain to him that he needed to leave me be once and for all.
“SJH, Im sorry but I’m not going to love you. Do not respond. Do not follow. Goodbye ”
I had seen two scenes of things said in a drama that helped relay the message that you didn’t see a future with this person
1.) Don’t follow me.
And
2.) I’m not going to love you.
But you apparently have to say them together for the right effect.
“I don’t love you” rings loud and clear in any language.
Whether the term love here meant sex, or friendship, or romantic interest, the act of NEGATING that sentence got the point acrossed to him that I didn’t want ANY of those choices.
That word, love, seems to be POWERFUL there in Korea and not told to people often….I would learn that later that things truly are a basis to basic matter, but for the most part, Koreans don’t even tell their families how they feel.
I made my way home and finally said to myself that it was too many attempts to hear this person out for them to not treat me as I was asking. Respect boundaries. Don’t touch me. So they didn’t respect me as an equal, couldn’t understand me, and there was only the one way end their stalking. Tell them that nothing would ever come out of it, and then leave them alone.
I also know that something that I struggle with is the patriarchy there. Don’t get me wrong, we are finding that in OUR country, it still exists too but on an only recently seen ‘curtain pull’ wizard of oz type moment for me.
Emotions aren’t discussed by men in Korean mostly. They’re bottled. And even when someone knows they’re doing wrong to you, they still continue doing such because as a foreigner, your opinion isn’t as important as theirs. Or their needs. Be prepared for talks about “Hongdae Boys” and Narcissism in future topics. Even a lot of Korean women don’t want to date there right now either and I have to assume it’s just because they kind of see through the “Kdrama act” men put on to get laid. And it definitely is an act. There was a pattern.
This is going to probably piss off a lot of people so BUCKLE UP.
Warning: Opinion.
So if you were a whole culture who is generally conservative, sexually repressed because the women there get to see your act and don’t buy it…..(and porn is illegal there technically unless you make your own, more thoughts on THAT later), wouldn’t you try to branch out and ‘clean up your image’ to get laid and move past the other statistic that 1 in 4 Korean men in Korea visit prostitutes, and have small penis’? How would you take focus off of these SHORTCOMINGS (it’s not 100 % factual) (quick shooters included) and highlight a need people have that hasn’t been repaired since the pandemic? Romance. People became more willing to stand up and say “we are tired of fuck boys, and ghosting” and so the opposition to that, our western men especially …..complained about WOMEN but the men there cleaned up a bad image and covered it with prettiness, they filled in the gap with selling a fantasy to people. The birth rate is declining there…. As is a lot of places because people don’t want to have children anymore or am stuck in this shit hole of dating we live in nowadays. How else would you fix that? Sell a dream. Isn’t that kind of what “Hollywood” is to a lot of people? Or playing the lottery? Either which I have no interest in. Want to know ‘The pattern’ I noticed?
Be sweet the first day, give you ANYTHING YOU WANT. Go anywhere you want to go. Say sweet things but without coming on TOO strong. Attempt to pay for everything.
Second day: They will try to touch you, hold your hand, kiss you. Compliment you excessively. Do everything you want. And at the end of the day, ask to sleep with you.
Third day: Depending on the night prior, you’re either ghosted, or they attempt to sleep with you and then start throwing a hissy fit about you not sleeping with them to the point it’s just easier to say Bye than argue.
Day 4: I never allowed anything past Second Day and told people I didn’t want to further communication before even getting ghosted at all with the majority of people I met. I truly hate the thought of single serving friends. You use each other and then it just dies out. Seems fake. That’s a stranger helping another stranger.
~For someone like myself who is able to discuss my emotions, feel them freely and share them with others, open up to others to empathize or help them heal….. it’s a painful experience there which I will explore in future blogs. No one wants to feel used there but it’s a common trend as a foreigner. Loneliness. Homesick. You’re often stared at because you’re different. You often try to keep your confidence while being shoulder checked by older Koreans who don’t like foreigners while you’re walking down the street.
Today on the way home was my first experience with this. We caught eyes and I could see a slight flash of dislike before he braced and nudged me. I wasn’t prepared for that. I didn’t know racism existed in this country but I suppose I’m saddened to learn it IS everywhere. I bounced off of him as we hit and as I composed myself, I looked up and he was still walking. I had to remind myself that bumping people in Korean happens sometimes on accident and It’s not considered too offensive there. Maybe I had taken it wrong. I decided to let it not sour my night and I decided to study, and while I was studying, that’s when the host from the place I was staying explained that men born in Korea that have never been anywhere else don’t have female friends. I didn’t understand but as she said it, the pieces started to fit sadly. She seemed right with the current circumstances and Ali decided maybe I would just study with others on language apps only but meet lady friends on bumble instead. I wrote a thank you note to my AirBnb host and went to bed.
Next: The Day I Met The Korean Cult, Introduction to ‘Lifesaver’ JH2, and ExtrovertMeetsIntroverts, True Heros of Nature.
ShayRae's Experiences in Modern Romance 