Day 2: Dating Disasters

The notification noises are keeping me awake at night. or while Im on the phone. Watching reruns of The Office, Or while I’m pretty much trying to do any activity that requires my attention.

*BUZZ BUZZ*

Again? Ya know, with advancements in the way we can talk to others now faster, I think its more annoying to be interrupted having a good conversation with someone and then being so bombarded by “UR hot” “Hey” (times 10 by the same person in 2 mins) over anything else. The messengers need to step their game up. 

To jump into the world of Modern Romance and common dating nowadays, I did what anyone would do. Research.

Google, face to face Q&A’s, group messages. And decided I would also include the book search. I also own “Hes Just Not That Into You” (have never seen the movie) and that book is pretty great at describing ways to protect yourself from dating emotional vampires. It didnt really go into the frustrations I felt with an online universe of dating. So lets find another….

Aziz Ansari, One of my favorite comedians and inspirations to transforming the heartache felt from a breakup to humor, and navigating the waters of internet and relationships in our times.

This book is perfect!

Everyone has had the experience of a bad date. The awkward silences, the lack of chemistry, or a FAILED first impression. Yeah, remember the guy who wanted to play cops and robbers, complete with handcuffs? I didnt reply. Tempting but no.

Speaking of first impressions though previously, here is another tip:

When making a profile, please consider changing your screen name 1500 more times before you decide on BonerChamp69. or Orgazzm4u.

I cant stress it enough to men that immediately jumping into sex jive with no name, shows me right off that bat:

• We like similar activities, but we have nothing in common as far as goals anytime soon
• You do not respect me and have a low option of me. Maybe sometimes women in general.
•  You’re lazy and didnt read my profile where it says I dont want a friend with benefits because I fail to see the benefit of being a great lover to someone else BUT giving me nothing I’m lookng for in return.An example of my profile and what you’re essentially showing me of your character, maturity.
  Yep, that’s a golden shower simulated for emphasis. Thats exactly what Im returning to you by not replying.
• Figured the 1/100 odds were good if you mailed a mass text.
• You’re talking to about 5 others the same way. Stable of Whores. lol c’mon. I was raised by an older brother.

If you fail your first impression, youre often not given the chance for another. Sad fact but true.

One of the oldest “dates” I had that was the worst was before even our new age of dating. or before i was even old enough to truly know what a date was.

Lemme set the scene for you.

It was 6th grade and yesterday, Scout** became my boyfriend. Yesterday, before school, he passed me a note asking me to circle yes or no if I liked him.

Sure. why not. yes.  

He chased me around all recess and lunch trying to kiss me.

Finally when school was over that day, he walked me to my bus and to show off to his friends, he dipped me back and gave me the wettest, sloppiest, nastiest kiss Ive had. he handed me a card he had made me and the bus headed towards home.

Upon settling in my seat, I looked at the card. The front of the card read :

“Happy 1 day anniversary”

The inside of the Card?

WEST SIDE

I hid in the girls bathroom from him the majority of the day.